I need to get my excitement out somehow. Nobody’s online to rant to,
so I’ll do it here. I’ll say it again, Saw II is in-fucking-credible.
If you have seen the first one, then you too were absolutely amazed at
the ending. Biggest fucking plot twist ever. Saw II’s ending is 8
BILLION TIMES bigger. In a nod towards its predecessor, Saw II featured
a scene in the dingy bathroom of the first one, complete with the
rotting and decomposing corpses of Zep and Adam (of the old movie). I’m
getting ahead of myself. Let’s start with the basic synopsis of the
film.

The movie opens with a man, by the name of Michael, sitting in a
chair, with a “death mask” around his neck, and an incredibly wounded
eye. The familiar creepy clown on the television appears and tells him
that he must find a key to open the death mask before the timer on the
back of the mask stops ticking…and snaps the mask shut. “Where’s the
key?” you ask? IN HIS FUCKING EYE SOCKET. Ol’ Michael finds a knife in
a box, and lo and behold he is faced with the task of CUTTING OPEN HIS
OWN FUCKING EYE to find the key. Michael fails. *cue mask snapping
shut, and Michael’s corpse falling to the ground in a bloody mess.*

This all occurs before the opening credits. Now onto the main fun.
The latest victims of Jigsaw (the serial killer behind every grisly
death) are actually a group of people trapped in a house. They have no
idea where they are. Nerve gas is being pumped through the air
ventilation, and they have 2 hours to find an antidote before blood
pours from their every orifice. OOOOOOH, so many fucking deaths ensue.
The COOLEST fucking deaths ensue. I shudder remembering some of
them. Some of them you just whisper to yourself “…Jesus”. I won’t go
spoiling them here, but rest assured that you will leave that theater
SCARRED. All of the people trapped in the house, are coincidentally
jail convicts, except one. A young troubled boy, who apparently is the
son of a police officer, who himself is watching his own son die. In
the whole thing, it is the police officer who is face to face with
Jigsaw, and who must try to figure out where his son is.

Suspense is there. Gore is there. Dread is there. “A” FUCKING PLUS.

Who’s going to see Saw II tomorrow? Motherfuckas know I’m seeing it tomorrow. I just finished watching the first one right now in preparation for it. Lata bitches n’ hoes.

I’m almost halfway through on my VH run. Kick-ASS.

Wanna know something that grinds my gears? Is the fact that I have an elective, in which THEY EXPECT YOU TO DO WORK. WHAT THE FUCK?! Electives aren’t ALLOWED to give you work. They’re just designed as filler, 40 minute sessions to fuck around and waste time! I probably haven’t been very specific thus far, but I am talking about Economics. Now, the class in itself is….FEH; it’s boring as shit. The teacher’s…MEH; he’s okay, but he sucks. In any case, I refuse to bust my ass in an elective. I do the bare minimum and I get by just fine. FUCK doing work in an elective. And that’s what grinds my gears.

HOO BOY, a week gap in between posts. Wanna know why? Because I’ve been without the fucking internet for a week now. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m….on fucking DIAL-UP as we speak -.-. I’m THAT goddamn desperate. Now I know how all you god forsaken 56k users feel. There was an outage a week ago. Apparently, a tree fell down and knocked out a bunch of wires, according to a Comcast representative. Fast forward a week later, I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING INTERNET. Funny part in this, everyone else DOES. I scheduled an appointment, and the soonest some asshole can get here is the 26th. They seriously expect me to be without the web for 2 weeks. FUCK THAT. Well, now that I’ve explained my dilemma, on with the news.

For starters, I have beaten my Hard run on Ninja Gaiden Black. Quite naturally, I immediately embarked on my Very Hard run. Holy FUCK is the jump huge from the two difficulties. I was raped for a solid half hour during the first chapter by these new purple ninjas. Took a while to get their strategies down, but I’m currently already on Ch. 6. Lots of enemies are noticeably tougher, and there are several enemy additions, as well. There are now BLACK Bastet Fiends (son of a bitch kitties I mentioned earlier), otherwise known as Greater Bastet Fiends. They’re just more aggressive. Another notable addition is the inclusion of Red Ninjas, otherwise known as Fire Ninjas. These sons of bitches are just like the Black Spider Ninjas, except they cause fire damage in addition to any move they do to you. The fuckers HURT. Item limits have also been placed into effect here. On Hard, I was allowed a maximum of 10 elixirs and 5 great elixirs. On VH, I am now allowed a maximum of 6 elixirs, and 3 (that’s right…THREE) great elixirs. God in heaven, HELP ME! The minions in boss fights, which were previously introduced in Hard, are now “upgraded”, so to speak, for VH. For instance, on Hard, the Tentacle Fiend in Ch. 4 had brown fiends accompany him for the duration of the fight. Now, on VH, the Tentacle Fiend has purple fiends hang out with him. Yeah…fun shit. VH has brought on a completely new meaning of rape.

If I may speak off the topic of Ninja Gaiden, let us discuss Doom. The film was released Friday, October 21st. Naturally, I saw it that very day. My feelings about the movie? IT KICKED FUCKING ASS. Let’s discuss why. Thankfully, the movie is indeed set on Mars. There were rumors that the movie would be set on a moon or some shit like that. The movie stuck with the game for quite some aspects. Firstly, they included the BFG (Bio-Force Gun or better known as Big Fucking Gun), which “The Rock” uses in an awesome fashion, just not enough. The shit just rips walls apart. It was fun seeing the BFG just blast through shit. There were some things to gripe about, too. Mainly, the origin of the enemies. The game focused on the enemies being hellspawn released when a portal to hell was opened. Here, they’re just genetic mutants. A little upsetting. It’s weird, the enemies didn’t KILL the people. Instead, they tried to INFECT them. What the fuck? They shot their TONGUE, which apparently had a life of its own, out of their mouths and towards the neck of their enemies. From there, the tongue makes its way into the victim’s neck and infects them. Fucked up shit, but the action was solid. One of the best moments of the film was during the last 20 or so minutes. The scene was filmed entirely from a first-person perspective, a throwback to the FPS game from which the movie spawned from to begin with. Really cool scene. If you wanna see this movie for well-developed characters and storyline, or in-depth relationships, look elsewhere. This is a great horror movie with on-par action and buckets of gore. If you’ve never played the Doom games and know nothing about them, this movie should still prove entertaining. I recommend the movie whole-heartedly.

I am ROFLing my fucking ass off right now. I’m listening to a radio interview of Jack Thompson, America’s superhero lawyer bent on eradicating videogames from the face of this planet, on Chatterbox Video Game Radio. This shit is fucking hilarious. Check it out. Have a fucking chuckle.

The day rolls in, the night rolls out. Desire rules without a doubt. The heart beats fast, you salivate. And when you come, it won’t be late. I guess by now you’ve got the score! A little taste, you wanted more. From San Anton, to Marakesh. Yeah when the night comes, EVERYBODY GOTTA TO HAVE FLESH!