Time and time again, events prove my friendship with God.

Last night, my mom says to me, “I can’t pick you up tomorrow. Dad and I are going to Brooklyn.”

“OMGWTFBBQ!”

Naturally, remorse ensued and the despair I felt was almost unbearable. Ride the bus?! What the fuck is this shit? And what now?

NO FUCKING SCHOOL, BABY!

Me and God (God and I? Meh, fuck linguistic formalities) are just cool like that. He’s got my back.

I
recall many a cold winter night when I would sit swamped with a various
project for a class that I would never use in my professional career,
and think, “I’ll never finish this. It’s hopeless. It’s 3 in the
morning, my brain functions no longer. I could not understand this
material if you were to sever my member. Fuck this shit!” And then the
next morning I would groggily awake, look outside, and see a FUCKTON of
snow. Fucking snow day bitch. And just one more day to finish whatever
fuckdamned project I was assigned. See? God’s my homie.

Oh and:

Maddox, that lazy fuck. Couldn’t even be bothered to color his pictures.

Know how it sucks when you don’t understand what you’re learning in a
various subject ENTIRELY? Like, you’re lost beyond all comprehension.
It sucks, doesn’t it? It does. I don’t need your affirmation of the
fact. That’s why it’s rhetorical. It doesn’t need your answer. I
DIGRESS! The point is, it sucks.

But, when you look at the opposite end of the spectrum, isn’t it
absolute BLISS when you understand everything? When everything pieces
together and you feel that you can wade in the pool of understanding
without your fucking water wingies? Damn I’m good at imagery.
Parallelism bitch! This is also one of the main reasons I enjoy the
logical sciences, such as math and physics (hell, I think coding Java
could be included here as well). English and literature are
classes where you can flesh out your creativity, logic is sort of
oppressed in this area.

Anyway, an example of what was being elucidated above can be attributed to trigonometry for me. In the beginning, I
understood about as much about trig as your local crack addicts down at
the shelter. Sine? Cosine? TANGENT?! Fuck that shit. Absolutely BOMBED
on the quiz. Nailed a 60. JUST PASSED.

Slowly, however, I began to piece shit together. Did my homework, which
was an accomplishment in and of itself, and I actually didn’t fall
asleep in class. Landed an 84 on the test. Not a 100 like I was
expecting, even though I expect 100s on every single test and quiz
because I’m just that confident in myself about perfection, but
nevertheless pretty damn good.

So it’s ok to be lost sometimes! Just pick your shit up sooner or later.

pinkjipsy01     (6:41:57 PM)   : sup
pinkjipsy01     (6:42:08 PM)   : u thrr
pinkjipsy01     (6:42:11 PM)   : ??
pinkjipsy01     (6:42:21 PM)   : y rnt u tlkin 2 me
pinkjipsy01     (6:42:28 PM)   : peak 2 mwaaaaaaaaaaa
pinkjipsy01     (6:43:00 PM)   : heyy r u
on or u no am i just ganna sit heer tlkin 2 mislf all night??

Auto response from NinjaGod1337     (6:43:00 PM)   : Mitch Hedburg Comedy Special

pinkjipsy01     (6:43:29 PM)   : heyy
NinjaGod1337     (6:43:35 PM)   : Go away. I hate you.
pinkjipsy01     (6:43:41 PM)   : y do u h8 me
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:01 PM)   : You are too stupid to talk to me.
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:05 PM)   : You can’t even form whole words.
pinkjipsy01     (6:44:14 PM)   : im sorry
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:24 PM)   : That’s better. But I still have no reason to talk to you.
pinkjipsy01     (6:44:27 PM)   : **tears**
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:34 PM)   : Cry me a fucking river.
pinkjipsy01     (6:44:46 PM)   : u dont like me
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:55 PM)   : You’re smarter than I thought.
NinjaGod1337     (6:44:59 PM)   : Great job figuring that one out.
pinkjipsy01     (6:45:05 PM)   : i no arent i
NinjaGod1337     (6:45:18 PM)   : Ok, now that you know that you’re smart, go away.
pinkjipsy01     (6:45:33 PM)   : i will be nice to you and i will try to form whole words
NinjaGod1337     (6:45:50 PM)   : You
still don’t seem to understand that I don’t want to speak to you. It’s
not a matter of you being nice.
pinkjipsy01     (6:46:16 PM)   : but i will be nice and i will form whole words
NinjaGod1337     (6:46:27 PM)   : Holy shit, GO THE FUCK AWAY ALREADY.
pinkjipsy01     (6:47:03 PM)   : no thanks
pinkjipsy01     (6:47:44 PM)   : y

Auto response from NinjaGod1337     (6:47:44 PM)   : Running Scared. Movies.

pinkjipsy01     (6:47:56 PM)   : you are weird

….just doesn’t get it.
You
could slam her in the face with a trash can lid and it still wouldn’t
get to the stupid bitch. A force field of stupid blocks any logic that
attempts to penetrate. Granted, she’s 13. That explains everything.
Every 13 year old is stupider than a bowl of pubes. But all these
prepubescent idiots are attracted to ME! Maybe I should just take down
all photos of myself and that will stop everything! Is it MY fault I’m
hot? NO sir, most assuredly it is NOT. Blame God! Or Satan! Or my
genetics! Cause I can’t deal with these kind of people.

Drop the bitch a line and tell her what you think of her.

//start uber 1337 haxxor Java program

import java.io.*;
 

  public class Stringprogram{
    public static void main (String args[]){
    String word1,upperCase,lowerCase;
    int numChar,lastChar,firstChar,secondChar;
    word1 = “computer”;
    numChar = word1.length();
    upperCase = word1.toUpperCase();
    lowerCase = word1.toLowerCase();
    firstChar = 0;
    lastChar = numChar-1;
    secondChar = 1;
   
   
    System.out.println(word1);
    System.out.println(“The number of characters is ” + numChar);
    System.out.println(“Uppercase String: ” + upperCase);
    System.out.println(“Lowercase String: ” + lowerCase);
    System.out.println(“The first character is ” + word1.charAt(firstChar));
    System.out.println(“The second character is ” + word1.charAt(secondChar));
    System.out.println(“The last character is ” + word1.charAt(lastChar));
    System.out.println(word1.charAt(lastChar) + word1.substring(secondChar,lastChar) + word1.charAt(firstChar));
   
  }
}

//end uber 1337 haxxor Java program
  /*String Output
  Welcome to DrJava.
> java Stringprogram

computer
The number of characters is 8
Uppercase String: COMPUTER
Lowercase String: computer
The first character is c
The second character is o
The last character is r
romputec
> */

OMG WTF READ POST BELOW

Damn…I didn’t even understand what this
bitch was firing off her shitcannon about. I only understood something
like “nobody uses xanga anymore…loser…blah blah blah.” I’m sorry
Ms. Fucking Bandwagon, I didn’t realize Xanga is no longer “in
fashion.”
I’ll just go and get a Myspace like the rest of you fucking tools and
exchange comments with all my friends. “OMG! hiii! i luv u sooooo muhc!
i hvn’t tlked 2 u in lykkkk 4evarrrrrrrr! we got 2 hang out sum tyme!!
lol rofl lmao! call meeee! <3333333.” Please, fucking gag me. And
then it struck me. A bit over 3 weeks ago (quite the delayed reaction,
but that’s ok, Whip-It benders do that to you), I commented on the
bitch’s
site disparaging her god awful layout for robbing me off brain cells
and an hour of my life that the stress suffered surely has buried 10
feet under. I honestly don’t get the thought process of you fucking
idiots with these layouts. I just want to rip my eyeballs out and dunk
them in Drano when I see some of these. For font color to be the same
color as your background…For font size to require a fucking electron
microscope to view properly…

I understand that you want to be cute, and represent your current
favorite band/fad/scene/whatever, but give me a fucking break. Get a
tolerable layout. MINE for fucking instance. Large, clean, easy to
read WHITE font on a pure BLACK background. None of this picture
bullshit, no annoying bright colors. Maddox is another perfect example.

Excerpt from Maddox’s FAQ:
I use large fonts…as a protest against all the stylish
garbage you see out there. When I go to a web site, I WANT TO READ THE
CONTENT. Trust me, that micro-font everyone uses isn’t nearly as original
as they think. I’ve chosen a black background for most of my text because
it’s easier on the eyes than staring at a white screen. Think about it:
your monitor is not a piece of paper, no matter how hard you try to make
it one. Staring at a white background while you read is like staring at
a light bulb (don’t believe me? Try turning off the lights next time you
use a word processor). Would you stare at a light bulb for hours at a
time? Not if you want to keep your vision.

Hell, even TuckerMax
is acceptable. Granted, his font is a bit too small for my taste, but
that’s something that can be easily altered via browser settings. If I convert
at least ONE person who reads this into an individual with sufficient
thought capacity to fabricate a layout that is somewhat appealing to
the eye, then my goal will be accomplished. Unfortunately, I think the
majority of you dolts have difficulty understanding my vocabulary, much
less able to create a layout that doesn’t make readers want to take
pitchforks to their eyes, and so I always hope for the worst.

EDIT: This
is the Xanga in question here. Over the course of these past 3 weeks,
the moron has changed her layout THREE times, each time producing a
layout shittier than the last. Fucking unbelievable..

I find it improper that her pseudonym is CLICHE_ROMANCE. I recommend CLICHE_STUPIDITY.

You never give me your money, you only give me your funny paper,

And in the middle of negotiations, you break down.

I never give you my number, I only give you my situation,

And in the middle of investigation, I break down.

Out of college, money is spent,

See no future, pay no rent,

All the money’s gone, nowhere to go.

Step on the gas and wipe that tear away.

I want you,
I want you so bad,
I want you,
I want you so bad that it’s driving me mad, driving me mad.
I want you!
I want you so bad, babe!
I want you!
I want you so bad that it’s driving me mad, driving me mad.
She’s so heavyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Heavyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Well I’ve had a good President’s Day. I acknowledged every president this fine nation has had the honor of being led by, and Dubya too. And I acknowledged Cheney. Crazy motherfucker. We must accept and respect the fact that Dick Cheney’s thirst for human souls can not be quenched. He will kill.



The following is how to survive a Dick Cheney Encounter:



1. You must remain calm. Seeing Dick Cheney is a truly frightening experience but you must be careful that you don’t make any sudden movements. You could startle the vice president and he could use his mighty jaw to snap your neck.

2. Calm Dick Cheney. Let him know that you’re not a threat. Back away slowly with your open hands in front of you. Speak to Dick Cheney in a soothing voice. Dick Cheney obviously doesn’t understand English so it doesn’t matter what you say to him. Just say it calmly. I urge you to keep it clean though. Don’t run. This could excite Dick Cheney enough for him to chase you. You won’t outrun him. Trust me.

3. If you do run, throw something to the side while running. This might distract the vice president allowing for your escape. Anything that you might bring on a camping trip (camera, baby, or bottle of gin) might work.

4. Do not climb a tree. Dick Cheney is a very agile climber. He’s like Spiderman and Batman’s bastard son.

5. When he does catch you, drop to the ground in the fetal position. Stay silent and don’t move. Roll with the movement of Dick Cheney’s attacks but keep your hands behind your neck. Maintain fetal position at all cost.

6. Stay silent and motionless for at least a half hour once Dick Cheney leaves. He will often watch in the distance and return at the first sign of life.

7. Fighting back is a last option. If you do fight Dick Cheney, attack his eyes. It’s difficult because of his glasses, but this is his only weakness. Kicking Dick Cheney in the nuts will only make him angry. You wouldn’t like him if he was angry.









Drove stick for the first time!

I stalled like 4 or 5 times starting in 1st. I was letting the clutch
go too fast. Fucking overzealous clutch foot. But I got it eventually.
It’s fun. I really like it. Props to my buddy Roman for allowing me to
stall his brand new GTI. I’m sure it must have been painful, just as
much as it was hilarious watching me struggle with the fucking clutch.

It’s without any hint of a doubt that my car will be stick too,
just…we gotta go through the process of actually PURCHASING it. My
daddy has set in place a few more standards. My car may be no older
than 5 years, limiting me to ’01 or newer. This puts me in quite the
sticky pickle, because we’re already looking at fucking expensive cars,
pushing well over 10k. I should relax. My dad finds that I’m thinking
about this stuff a year too soon; I’ll buy a car at the end of senior
year, which sounds like it really sucks, but in retrospect…I suppose
it’s ok. Me and a bitch’ll take the bus. =D My affinity for romance
(and frugality) knows no bounds.

I’ll drive around Mommy’s S40 with her in tow. I drive how I want at the wheel with
or without her as it is. I can handle a little bitching on
her behalf. And on that note, I leave you for F.E.A.R.