I don’t like the fact that I’m growing up. I have to face facts. I look
at myself in the mirror and staring back at me is some schmuck with
facial hair (granted, he’s not too shabby looking). WTF? I used to think that I would never quit gaming. NOT
THAT I HAVE AND SHAME ON YOU FOR EVEN THINKING SUCH A THING! I just cut
down enormously. I haven’t touched my Xbox in months already. Don’t get
me started on my Cube. That thing gets powered on on the rare occasion
my nephew comes over and wants to play something. For the most part,
I’ve confined my gaming to PC almost exclusively. I’ve just recently
gotten finished with F.E.A.R. and have been playing Counterstrike
Source. CS is great fun…when you can find a decent server. The two
scenarios you are most always faced with when searching for a server
are as follows:
1. The bot server. The latency of the server serves to fool you.
“Ooooh, only 35 ping?! Hell yeah!” And then you get in, and you find
that you’re surrounded by bots. Every 3 seconds, “I’m gonna camp!” “Go
go go!” “Negative!” “Fire in the hole!” “Affirmative!” “Good shot sir!”
It’s enough to make you vomit blood.
2. The fucking stupid server. This server is characterized as forcing
you to download 400 .wav and .mp3 files upon trying to connect to the
server. After the 3 hours or so you patiently wait for the sounds to
download, you finally can start playing. Immediately, your eardrums are
assaulted with a resounding “M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!” coupled with
“RAMPAGE!” and the ever popular “DOMINATING!” I want to know whoever
got the idea for putting Quake sounds in Counterstrike, and I want them
to be subjected to their own torture. That is, placed in solitary
confinement and exposed to a constantly looping track of these sounds,
until they are reduced to a sobbing, shuddering husk of their former selves; a drooling lunatic,
babbling incoherent insanities, with succor but a distant memory. These
servers also have extraneous bullshit like lasers showing where you got
shot and killed or vice versa. All this shit just results in a sluggy
server and shots that don’t register on your target.
I wish to expound on the fucking stupid server some more. The fucking
stupid server is also characterized by its inhabitants. Namely,
prepubescent animals with the
typographical sense of a blind cancer patient. When armed with a
microphone, these undeveloped fetuses have the capability to actually pierce your
ear drum with their shrieks of anger and frustration of not getting
nearly enough hugs, coupled with a nice AWP headshot. After such an
embarassing feat, “omg u suk dik soooo bad lol rofl lmao u noob u suk
fag rofl” is not something entirely unexpected from these beasts borne
of unnatural horrors.
If you can actually suffer through this hell and find a good server
with people who won’t make blunt 3 letter accusations about your sexual
preferences (See HL Comic), then you might actually have a good time. Good luck.
Besides Counterstrike, I downloaded a mod for Halflife 2 today.
Wivenhoe: The Fall of Ravenholm it’s called. It attempts to explain the
origins of Ravenholm. I haven’t decided how well it has accomplished
this task yet, all I know is it’s fucking hard as balls! You start out
with 1 health and a crowbar, surrounded by Metrocops and Combine
patrol. The second you get substantial health and suitable weaponry,
you are tossed into the fray with a fuckton of Combine who want nothing
more than to riddle you with SMG. I am actually at an impasse with the
game right now, but I’ll be making advances with time.
And so my harangue concludes.