You know? This whole SAT business is pissing me off. I don’t
get why everyone’s getting so fucking freaked out. Stereotypically, it’s an
Asian worry, and let’s face it, you know I’m right. Someone says the word SAT
and you go into fucking seizures. You all act like the SAT will determine
whether you live in a cardboard box or not. And you study your asses raw for
these things, but you still stress and stress.
Why don’t I stress? God, I almost feel left out. I want
forehead wrinkles by the age of 19 too!
Let’s delve into an anecdote. Last year’s PSATs. Sophomore
year. I was just a little jerk. PSATs. Yeah whatever. I signed up for those
courses. I fucked around through them, as did everyone else. Didn’t do shit in
my honest opinion. Wholesome waste of money. My results? Selection Index of
181. 87th percentile. Did better than 93% of sophomores in both
Critical Reading and Writing Skills, and better than 87% in Math. So keep these
numbers in your head.
Fast forward to junior year. Courses again. Bullshitted my
way through once again. That Indian math teacher’s class was a fucking riot.
Literally, actually. But anyway, PSAT results: Selection Index of 186. 89th
percentile. Did better than 84% of juniors in both Critical Reading and Math,
and better than 90% of juniors in Writing Skills.
So I did successively better junior year than the previous
sophomore year. I couldn’t have given a rat’s ass less about the test both
years. Yet I did pretty damn well all things considered! And here you people
are losing sleep over this bullshit.
The mindset that you have the morning of the tests I find is
absolutely critical. You cannot be nervous doing these tests. Calm, relaxed
demeanor all throughout. Concentrated, but not worried. Trust your instincts
and don’t let second thoughts keep you stuck on a question. Or, just don’t give
a shit and do your best. That works too, you know.
My SAT I’s in May. May 6th, I think. I haven’t so
much as opened a book up. I think I borrowed some enormous 5 inch thick book
from the library, but I really only studied the pretty blue cover, rather than
pore over its contents. I’m sure it gave me invaluable knowledge for my
upcoming test. But you know what? I’m confident in myself. These things are
pure logic. Knowledge. I’ll do fine on them. I am most looking forward to the
essay because that’s just an hour where I can sit back and just bullshit. And
I’m fantastic at bullshitting. You’ve been reading it ever since you subscribed
to me. SATs will not determine my future, don’t let them determine yours