You know? This whole SAT business is pissing me off. I don’t
get why everyone’s getting so fucking freaked out. Stereotypically, it’s an
Asian worry, and let’s face it, you know I’m right. Someone says the word SAT
and you go into fucking seizures. You all act like the SAT will determine
whether you live in a cardboard box or not. And you study your asses raw for
these things, but you still stress and stress.
 

Why don’t I stress? God, I almost feel left out. I want
forehead wrinkles by the age of 19 too!
 

Let’s delve into an anecdote. Last year’s PSATs. Sophomore
year. I was just a little jerk. PSATs. Yeah whatever. I signed up for those
courses. I fucked around through them, as did everyone else. Didn’t do shit in
my honest opinion. Wholesome waste of money. My results? Selection Index of
181. 87th percentile. Did better than 93% of sophomores in both
Critical Reading and Writing Skills, and better than 87% in Math. So keep these
numbers in your head.

Fast forward to junior year. Courses again. Bullshitted my
way through once again. That Indian math teacher’s class was a fucking riot.
Literally, actually. But anyway, PSAT results: Selection Index of 186. 89th
percentile. Did better than 84% of juniors in both Critical Reading and Math,
and better than 90% of juniors in Writing Skills.

So I did successively better junior year than the previous
sophomore year. I couldn’t have given a rat’s ass less about the test both
years. Yet I did pretty damn well all things considered! And here you people
are losing sleep over this bullshit.
 

The mindset that you have the morning of the tests I find is
absolutely critical. You cannot be nervous doing these tests. Calm, relaxed
demeanor all throughout. Concentrated, but not worried. Trust your instincts
and don’t let second thoughts keep you stuck on a question. Or, just don’t give
a shit and do your best. That works too, you know.
 

My SAT I’s in May. May 6th, I think. I haven’t so
much as opened a book up. I think I borrowed some enormous 5 inch thick book
from the library, but I really only studied the pretty blue cover, rather than
pore over its contents. I’m sure it gave me invaluable knowledge for my
upcoming test. But you know what? I’m confident in myself. These things are
pure logic. Knowledge. I’ll do fine on them. I am most looking forward to the
essay because that’s just an hour where I can sit back and just bullshit. And
I’m fantastic at bullshitting. You’ve been reading it ever since you subscribed
to me. SATs will not determine my future, don’t let them determine yours
either.

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5 responses to “

  1. I think you have achieved the impossible. Being a bigger complainer and a meaner person than moi. I relinquish my throne to you, temporarily. I one day shall avenage my rightful throne and over throw you. Good luck controlling the plebians who live in their cardboard box houses. Hats off to you today sir.

  2. Touche. But one thing that you forgot is that with every major title comes a throne of some sort. And you can avenge a rightful place i.e. title, with that title comes said throne so technically speaking you can avenge a throne. Technicalities are a bitch right?

  3. haha, it’s an “Asian worry”?
    well, only true for the small percentage of Asian hard-core perfectionist students. but i see your point.
    but you’re absolutely right about the:“The mindset that you have the morning of the tests I find is absolutely critical. You cannot be nervous doing these tests. Calm, relaxed demeanor all throughout. Concentrated, but not worried.”
    in my case, it was total apathy, I-dont-care-I’ve-been-taught-by-Kenny-and-know-I’ll-get-into-college-no-matter-what, kinda thing. but it worked nonetheless. =P

  4. maybe. but sorry. its just me. and the way i was brought up. i cant accept rutgers. not in a family where the sister went to princeton, mit and stanford while the father’s alma mater is columbia.i know its… inconsiderate of me, however, i just cannot.

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