So they came in. I was/am ecstatic. Right now, I’m in a temporary 3.1 situation. I hooked up the sub (speaking of which, the fucker is HUGE), left, center, and right speakers (the speakers of which are residing on my desk.) Come this weekend, my father and I plan to align the speakers the way they should be. The left and right speakers will be wall mounted, face level, and 60 degrees apart (30 degrees from the axis, which is me). The left rear and right rear speakers will be rigged behind me, 110 degrees to the axis. The slack wire we plan to encase in plastic tubing, which is to be neatly stowed near the wall, to avoid a jungle of wires. Again, I am excited.

So far, even with 3.1 sound, the quality is FANTASTIC. My ears are experiencing orgasms simply unattainable previously. To think I spent so many years with those God forsaken pieces of shit. I have already tried an assortment of media, involving MP3’s, a DVD, and CD audio. All of it sounds great. The lows are fucking superb, thanks to the kickass subwoofer.

Here’s a good rule of thumb when judging subs:
You know you have a good sub when there’s a pleasant breeze blowing against your crotch.

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Teleporting at Random
“““““““`
1. GRIND SALT IN MORTAR
2. GRIND MISTLETOE IN MORTAR
3. RUB STONE IN MIXTURE
4. KISS STONE
5. Recite Verse:
With this kiss, I thee impart,
Power most dear to my heart.
Take me now from this place hither,
To another place far tither.
6. WAVE WAND.

I can guarantee that 99% of you have no fucking clue what I’m talking about and that is one of the many reasons why you are all failures.

Why do I resurrect such an old spell?

THIS IS WHY

Infamous Adventures, a game dev team, has remade Sierra’s original KQ3. Read that sentence 5 more times. Let’s back up. King’s Quest 3 is TWENTY YEARS OLD. It was released in 1986. I played it when I was 6 or 7. And now it’s been remade.
I was going into seizures as I read this. I downloaded it that second. They’ve added a shitload of new additions. There are entirely redone VGA graphics, new cinematics, a point-and-click interface discussed further below, and even an as of yet unreleased voice pack (including narrator). Their servers had 5000 downloads the first day after release.
The game is amazing. I beat it through last night and this morning. The nostalgia factor was absolutely overwhelming. This new version is also much easier. For one, there is now a point-and-click interface. If you said that to someone during the days of KQ3, you might have gotten your ass beat. KQ3 was a parser based app, in which you had to TYPE out various commands for them to be fulfilled, as opposed to just clicking on shit now.
Who remembers the mountain path outside Manannan’s house? Do you remember how fun that was using the arrow keys and then throwing your fucking computer against the wall as you plummeted to your death for the 50th time (if you didn’t save every millisecond, anyway)? Well now you can enjoy using the mouse. It’s an incredible game through and through that reminded me of the glory of adventure games back in the 90’s. If you any shred of respect for what gaming has evolved from, pay your respects and download this magnificent gem.

And when you’re done with that, AGD Interactive has KQ1 and KQ2 remade. I’m never leaving my computer again.

Oh and I’ve set myself a goal: I’m not gonna shave all summer. My beard is gonna be bitchin’ come September.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at people.

Case in point: I was dragged along to TJ Maxx by a mother and a 24 year old Peruvian woman the other day. For the uninitiatied, TJ Maxx is a veritable death hole. No man should be within 50 yards of this dark and evil place. You might assume that I tried to commit hara kiri the second I stepped foot into the establishment, but instead, I made fun of fat and ugly women (this breed composes the majority of the “frugal” shopping populace).

And now a little computer side chat. I WANT MY FUCKING SPEAKERS. I got my Audigy 2 two days ago. Hooked it up, and downloaded some modified drivers based off of Audigy 2 ZS beta drivers, promising huge increase in sound quality. Eh, I bit. I have bass and treble control now, which is pretty cool. I’m not sure if that was available with the onboard drivers, but jacking up the bass and treble definitely improved the sound quality quite a bit. The clapping of the double bass is much more clearly pronounced now. Of course, the full potential of my Audigy 2 cannot really be expressed by the output of my shitty stock Harman Kardon 2.1’s, so I’m still awaiting the Z5300e’s.

I’ve done a bit of research on speakers over the past couple of days. Here are some of the delicious morsels I’ve picked up since:

An inverse square law is utilized to explain the
relationship between distance from a sound source and sound pressure.
The inverse square law utilized here states that: when the distance
from the source is doubled, the sound pressure level (SPL) weakens by 6 dB.

Also, there exists a direct relationship between wattage (W) and sound pressure (dB). A common misconception is that if you provide twice the power (or wattage) to an amplifier, then the SPL will subsequently be doubled as well. Not so. In fact, if wattage is doubled, there is an SPL increase of only 3 dB, which most listeners define as “slightly louder.”

Finally, the relationship between wattage (W) and sound pressure (dB) (or loudness, for those inclined to use cruder terminology) can also be expressed logarithmically. The law can be expressed by: 10log(P2/P1), whereby P1 and P2 are the two different power (watt) levels you are going from and to, respectively. For example, if going from a 30 watt system to a 300 watt system, your SPL increases by 10dB. In my situation, my current Harman Kardon dual satellite speakers eat a measly 6 watts combined (3 per speaker..duh). My Z-5300e’s (due to arrive in 3 torturously long days) have a combined wattage consumption of 280 watts. Utilizing the above logarithm (10log(280/6), this results in a “loudness” increase of about 16.7 dB.
According to this article:

Hearing tests with large groups
of people have revealed that a one-decibel (1 dB) change in loudness is approximately the smallest audible step that the average listener can
detect, [and]
an increase of 3 dB most listeners term “slightly louder.”
So an SPL increase of 16.7dB is considerably LOUDER. 5.6 times louder than what is defined as “slightly louder”, anyway.

Oh me, oh my, it’s the last day of school. I’m not going
tomorrow, in case you were wondering. FUCK THAT SHIT. None of my friends are
going tomorrow, so my going is entirely redundant. I wanted to shake Markot’s
hand today, but he was absent. Oh well, I’ll see him again next year. I suppose
this is where I should make reflections about my junior year in high school.

Hoo, it’s been a good year. Hell, this year was probably
more eventful than freshman year, which infamously went down as The Year of the
Blood Sucking Leech. Ahh…but history is just that, buried and done.

Last year was nothing. Really quite boring, actually. I
mean, there was the ambiguous lesbian that I pined for the whole fucking year,
ending with hilarious results.

But this year was huge. Prince Charming
died
. Another emo dolt encounter. And then just a plain old dolt encounter.
Oh the experiences…I thrive on the
experiences. And then there’s work, where the tail’s a plenty and ripe for the
picking. Gotta catch me her.

Education wise, I never really developed any bonds with the
teachers this year. Here are my end of the year opinions on those who taught me everything I have come to know this year:
Full Year Teachers:

-Weiss was just…eh. Just an easy teacher. She was the only
female teacher I had all year. I never really hated her, save for the beginning
of the year. She just didn’t teach anything. I don’t really care either way,
because I couldn’t possibly concentrate first period anyway.

-Markot was probably the only teacher I LIKED. The guy is
without a doubt a fantastic teacher.
His sense of humor is indescribable. From watching him throw chalk at the class
whale, to seeing him rip on some moron asking an idiotic question, that class
was a treat almost every day.

-Daus is…feh. He’s a great guy. He’s semi-humorous, he’s
intelligent. But he’s an awful teacher. He simply can’t keep my attention for
more than 5 minutes. His voice is monotone and boring; it’s like trying to stay
awake listening to a shitty tape recording of a robot. And he just never went
in depth into any subject. Then again, this was regular physics, not AP, so I
shouldn’t complain.

-McEvoy was an interesting case; a guy I went from liking,
to hating with a passion, to lightly despising
with a slice of pity.

Elective Teachers:

-Saroka. Hate him. Believe me, I have plenty reason to.
-Weigner’s a dumbass jock. I hated him from the second I met
him.

-Berner’s boring as fuck. Take Daus’s voice and take it to
the 15th power. That’s Berner’s voice. Only upside to his class was
watching “The Apprentice.” That kicked ass.

-Sundouche was just that…a giant bag of douche. An idiot
straight out of college with students who know more than he does. Seeing him
pronounce “Vibramycin” or “Zithromax” is worth any cost of admission; fucking
uproarious.

-Seel was a great guy. A great sense of humor, but he never
actually laughed. It was truly admirable. Shame about his accident. I’ll see
him again next year in AP Comp Sci where I plan to be buried alive in Java.

And here are the initial reactions.

And so winds down junior year. I had good times this year
and made some good friends.

Here’s to senior year, and fucking ruling the high school!

Good day today. But then, when you hang around in your boxers till 3, how could your day not be good?
Drove to Sam’s, drove to brother’s, drove to Nathan’s for (orgasmaphoric) chicken strips.

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic

A fat woman came into the pharmacy today1. “How
much is this?” she asked waving a women’s razor in her walrus like paws,
“There’s no barcode on here.” I gently take it from her and look over the
product. On the back, my eyes catch some delightfully devious fine print
reading, “Free sample. Not for retail sale.” I explain to her that there is no
bar code because it is a free sample.

Fat Woman (mouth agape, in dramatic disbelief): “Free?”

Me: “Yes.”

She looked at me like I was a heretic, ready to drive a
wooden stake through my heart and burn me in the town square. Shocked and obviously
flustered, the ungainly idiot put to use her master sleuth skills and
indignantly claimed, “But if it’s free, anyone can just take as many as they
want!” I didn’t know how to put it to her in any other way that it was free
because I don’t speak fat, so I left it in the hands of the
supervising pharmacist. He didn’t prove to be too knowledgeable either and
immediately shifted responsibility to the manager. When he finally came by, the
fat woman let loose this gem:

Fat Woman: “How much does this free sample cost?”

One more time for effect.

“How much does this FREE sample COST?”

I almost choked. I waited for her for to waddle away before
I burst into hysterics. That’s the greatest question I’ve ever heard in my
life. The sheer illogicality practically makes the question implode upon
itself. It drips with such sheer stupidity that I actually had to process
the question for a few seconds the moment it first entered my aural canal.

I don’t know if the fat woman ever solved the mystery of how
much the free razor cost. I can only hope. Hope and laugh.

1: Married With Children reference. One of the
staples of the show was when Al would come home and launch into one of his
tirades that always started out with: “A fat woman came into the shoe store
today.”