This old article of mine DEFINITELY needs bumping.

I won’t post the text here, but to summarize, it discussed friends with benefits and supposedly meant to show how I “matured” and was looking for a “healthy and loving” relationship with a partner that would fulfill all that we as men look for in women. Fuck that shit.

Really, the only part of the article that still applies is the chemistry bit:

I dunno, the whole “compatibility” thing is sort of a
misleading bullshit buzz phrase to me. You either like each other or you don’t.
“Chemistry”? Save science for people who know what they’re talking about.
establish something else here: a woman with a backbone. A girl who wouldn’t be
deceitful and cowardly enough to lead you on if she didn’t share the same
feelings you did
Putting feelings on the table is something of paramount
importance, I think. No façade, no bullshit, no unsureness. Actions are
out much more fluently when the facts are clear. Hey! Know what else I
don’t want? Some bitch who’s too much of a coward to tell you that
she’s dating a dude knowing full well you like her. Yeah. Definitely
don’t want that.”

Since writing that piece, I am currently not so adverse towards the friends with benefits because I feel that some level of fucking has to happen before love. It would just be stupid to jump straight to love without having any experiences prior. And as we all know, high school is all about getting some ass. Cold, emotionless, self-gratifying ass. Senior year’s lookin mighty good.

Another bit I’ve learned is to stop looking for “the one.” She’ll come on her own accord. Everyone has their time. Trying to cheat and rush time only results in finding some moron who you’ll crush on for 2 months, and then end up in sorrow for 2 weeks. The crushing is fun and a great way to waste time, sure, but it’s not practical in the end.


I want to go back to school. And I’m not crazy. I’m a senior now, damn it.

But I still have to read a book and do the math.

The book is Memoirs of a Geisha, probably the most boring shit in the world, and one that I will undoubtedly be Sparknoting when my patience expires after 11 pages.

The math is shit that I forgot the moment I handed in my final exam. I have no idea how I’ll be doing it. I’ll wing it as always, I guess.

Ahh…T-Minus 16 days and counting.

By the way, Dragonforce is incredible. I’ve never been exposed to such shreddery.
Have your face melted:
DragonForce – Through The Fire And The Flames
DragonForce – Operation Ground And Pound

I was taking a ride tonight and as I’m driving by, I catch a cop in the corner of my eye.

He’s parked, partially obscured, on the side of the road. With his lights off.

HOLY SHIT! The motherfuckers hide with their lights off!

I was going 45ish in a 40 zone, but that was fucking unbelievable! I
actually wanted to turn around and go back just to see if my eyes were
playing tricks on me. I’ll see if he’s there tomorrow night. Sneaky

Got a new cluster hood to replace the previous broken one.

Got bitchin new floor mats with M-Edition embroidering.

I went for a little night ride tonight. No music, just the sounds of the engine and my thoughts. Driving the Miata with absolutely no one on the road is magical.

My kahr is ridiculous.

And now….more “Moron from Tagworld”!!

From: andrea_4
For ur information i did get CANCER already. when i was 13 years old to
be exact!!!! dumass, and i had a tumor on my leg its called
osteosarcoma look it up stupid guy who likes to mock ppl cuz he deosn’t
have any good come backs!!! and really u should NEVER wish that for a
person cuz when i went through that it was hard and i would HONESTLY
say i wouldn’t even wish this for the my worst enemy IF i had one. and
as far as attraction NNNNNO sorry the only reason i comment u and all
that was b/c one of my friend was saying so much stuff about u and i
thought that u deserve to hear some nice thing cuz honestly i wasn’t
being rude or a bitch and twinkies are so nasty and if u eat them good
for u …….. hope YOU get fat and I am not fat my weight is 110. so
check ur eye. and since u talked about my weight lets talk about urs i
think ur TOOOOO scrawny and need to get fat and YES i will talk it over
with GOD thank you very much cuz with him all things are possible u
should look into to it sometime. HOPEFULLY it will help u .and as far
as the bitchyness i do it only to ppl who are getting on my nerves not
b/c i’m hungry.and so much for reading my profile like u said.cuz it
specificly says to ppl who get on my nerves. so good for u .you just
made urself look like a bigger dumass!!!! and as far as slaming ur door
in my face. i wont be anywher near u cuz aparently u don’t have friends
who live in the middle of nowhere or talk to ppl who live in the middle
of nowhere. Again u made ur self look like a bigger dumass.and another
advice for u don’t mock ppl and think they won’t say something later
that will make u look like the dumass in the end k. O O O and heres
another one don’t correct ppl with ur “its three words”. again DUMASS
and “OMG r u serious” wasn’t a question it was something refering to u
r such a bitch and u r an even bigger dumass for thinking it was a
question cuz ur right it didn’t have a question mark. so why did u make
it a question. see this is why u shouldm’t mock ppl!!!! and for making
the caps it stands for the yelling i can’t do in ur face!! cuz trust me
if u wher in front of me i would do soooo much.and if u say ur not a
fan of tagworld. then why did u respond. OMG( oh my gosh if u didn’t
know dumass) did i mention u where a dumass . and no i did’t have
multiple lives or mindsets. that was just when something tragic
actually happend to me and i got some anger on ppl for a while and
after my anger was gone i notice life goes by alot beter if ur nice!!!!
well lets hope u get nicer cuz trust me it wouldn’t make u look as
ugly!! hate andrea

Mike’s response:
I’m sure you worked very hard on this diatribe, Andrea. And I want to
assure you that I was cracking up in laughter perusing it the whole
time. I would however suggest returning back to the 3rd grade and
learning some basic sentence structure. Some paragraph breaks here and
there. Maybe a properly placed comma or two?

As for your
cancer, I’d apologize, but I don’t feel guilt for idiots. In fact, I’m
glad you have cancer. It’s just good that stupidity isn’t contagious,
or you might have actually transmitted it, what with how much of it
you’ve spewed thus far. I’m sure you’re yelping with a superb “OMG r u
SERIOUS!!!” as I write this, but I suggest you save it. I’ve read up on
your condition. Have you undergone limb-salvage surgery? Or are you
going through chemo? I hope either has gone the worse for you.

glad you tried “standing up” for me to your friend who’s probably just
scared to try and talk to me directly. I invite her with open arms, by
the way.

I think I’ve covered most of the main points of your
little comeback here, Andrea. I’m not going to bother with the weight
issue. I’ll just say you’re fat and leave it at that.

I thought I might mention that our entire conversation is now public on
a website with a sufficiently large population. That way, I think,
everyone can see the breadth of your true idiocy.


andrea_4’s followup:

 NO  NO NO NO NO NO. every thing u just said is wrong. and i didn’t
try hard. and about the commas well i like run on and stupid sentences
sorry  and seriously if u didn’t like tagworld or whatever why are u
writing back. and as far as the cancer thing i am in remission.thank u.
and as far as ur stuff its not plublish………!!!

Mike’s response:
You have good logic. “I’m an idiot because I like to be.”

Nah, Tagworld’s not so bad when there’s so many illiterate morons to make fun of.

Aww…I’m very sorry to hear about your remissive cancer. Maybe you’ll get lucky and have some new cancer develop.

Look, you’re famous!

The last time we hosted an episode of “Moron from Tagworld” was back in March. Well, we have resurrected this gem from an obscure grave.

So now, here is an all new installment of “Moron
from Tagworld”!

From: andrea_4

well i guess i wont send u a friend request since i live in the middle *******
nowhere(texas)!!!! and i just wanted u to now that life goes a lot easier if u
are nice and since i did read ur profile there is something u atleast reconize
about ur self. the fact that
an ASSHOLE!!! like u said. and if people tell u that sooooo much why don’t u
change that and i mean that in a good way cuz trust me i have been called the
biggest b**** and yet i had friends.(wierd but Ok i guess)but trust rep is not
good.and if u don’t get that then i guess u are the biggest NERD in ur
school.soo why are u an ass is it b/c ur parents died or b/c ur adopted and
don’t have a family or WHAT!!! all i know is that u probaly don’t have a father
cuz i know that a father would show his kids to be nice to others and i guess
to be mean or defend himself to the mean so u wont get picked on. well i hope
GOD BLESSES YOU!!! b/c u need it and i mean that from the bottom of my heart
even though u don’t know u and u don’t know me. i don’t feel sorry for u but i
do wish u could change for the better cuz life is easier that way. well like i
said STOP being an asshole and god bless you. and if u ever need to talk to
someone or need advice u can always. count on me k.laters asshole lol!!

Mike’s Response:

Words cannot express how goddamned stupid you really are.

Life goes easier if you’re nice? I suppose you have experience in doling out
this sort of advice. You surely have lived multiple lives experimenting with
different mindsets in order to properly theorize that being nice will indeed
make life go easier? Right? Exactly.
I am nice, if the party in question is relatively intelligent. To
morons, such as yourself, I am less than nice. An asshole, as some may phrase
it. I’m mean to those that bother me, there’s nothing wrong with that.

And you bother me. I’ve got some time, so I’ll explain why you bother me and
simultaneously have some fun mocking you.
Let’s take your atrocious fucking grammar into instance.
Your first idiotic sentence: “OMG r u SERIOUS!!!”
Firstly, this is not a question, because there is no question mark. Idiot.
Secondly, you have no idea how much it pisses me off when you morons type shit
like “r” and “u”. It’s 3 letters. “Are.”
“You.” It’s not difficult, you fucking dolt.
Thirdly, it is entirely unnecessary and stupid to make this phrase in caps.
What confuses me is why you only made the first and last word in caps. I guess
that’s just one of those things idiots do.

What I find hilarious is how you assume that I have no friends. Apparently,
you’re one of those idiots that think that assholes don’t have friends. Maybe
you haven’t been to a high school recently. I really suggest checking one out.

Hah, yeah, being an asshole automatically mandates that my father died in some
tragic accident when I was a child. Your thought process is incredible, really.

I really appreciate that you talked it over with God and asked him to bless me.
I’ll make sure to ask him to give you cancer.

And when I need advice, you can rest assured that you’ll be the FIRST person I
go to talk it over with, okay? Right after I slam your head in a door 4 or 5
times. That’ll just help to relax me a little before you give me advice.



andrea_4’s followup:

Ohh and also the only
thing u have going in life is well….. i can’t say
ur looks… and i can’t say ur smart cuz u work at a store ….. sooo i
guess u have nothing goin for u in life if u keep ur BAD attitud and keep being
an ass…so a little advice just change a little bit k drea hahahahahaha!!!!

Mike’s Response:

Oh boy, I don’t think even science can diagnose this level
of stupidity.

You can’t say I’m “looks”? That doesn’t really make any fucking sense
at all. If I can translate dumb bitch speak, I think you meant that you can’t
say that I am very attractive, which is fantastic, and also an OPINION.
Unfortunately for you, your opinion is outweighed by hundreds of other bitches
who think to the contrary of you, meaning to say they do indeed find me

I’m not smart because I work in a store? What the fuck does one have to do with
the other? I suppose I’d be smart if I was unemployed, huh? Geniuses sit at
home and watch TV. Fucking moron.

Since andrea_4 relatively annoyed me, I decided to top
off our exchange with the following:

“Hah, you look a little porky in your little profile pic
there too. Are you on a diet? Is that why you’re bitching? It’s okay honey, a
few boxes of Twinkies won’t hurt you that much. I promise.”

Oh ho ho ho, I’m terrible.

I will be sure to update with future installments if
andrea_4 decides to mouth off some more. Until then, this has been “Moron
from Tagworld”! Thanks for reading, and good night.

Recently, Tagworld has introduced a new feature called “Bulletins”. Essentially, this just gives bedwetting
losers a window to the rest of the world (or at least anyone unlucky enough to be on their “buddy list”) to whine and spew idiocy.

The following are the most common examples of “Bulletins”:

#1: The hopeless dejected moron:
“omg im so sad lyk sum boy made fun of me nd im sad now nd dont no wut 2
do. i want sumbody 2 pm me and tell
me im hott so i can hav my inexistant self esteem inflated a little/make me
feel better.”

#2: The plain old moron crying out to the world for attention:
“lyk heyy evry1!!! im supr qtie (lol that’s anuthr wai 2 spel
“cutie”!) nd lookng 4 supr qt guys 2 im me lol so leve me lotz of
comnts k?!?!! lol mwaa! o nd dnt 4get to vote 4 mee!! u no, cuz if i hav mor
votes than any other idiot on here, I’ll be able to win an imaginary pissing
contest and declare myself president of Tagworld!”

#3: The plain old moron who’s “bored”:
“omgggg im soooooo bord!! so im telling evry1 on mii budy list in case
mabe 1 of them can come 2 mii rescue, entertain me and rid me of my boredom! o
nd im also going 2 da park/feeding my cat/masturbating in a few hrs, so you can
be assured that I do have some semblance of a life and don’t just waste my time
whining to strangers.

but im me neway cuz i still mite be around later.
aim: 311sxcgurlx0x0
or mii other 1 (lol)
aim: sugrxswtxprncess

lol kay biie!”

There are plenty more examples, but I’m not going into them. They’re just too
painfully stupid.

This song is fantastic. And I think we can all relate to it.

Rise Against – Survive

Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
You spend your waking moments, simply counting time
Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your…

Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are

An obvious disinterest, a barely managed smile
A deep nod in agreement, a status quo exile
I shoot my obligations, I miss all your deadlines
I started quitting early, and fucking up my life

Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are

All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so fucking great
All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so great

(Life isn’t like this)
(Life isn’t like this)
(Life isn’t like this)
(Life isn’t like this)
(Life isn’t like this) Life isn’t like this
(Life isn’t like this) Life isn’t like this
(Life isn’t like this) Are we forging on an answer,
or fucking up our…

Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are

(Who we are)
It’s what makes us who we are
(Who we are)
Makes us who we are
(Who we are)
It’s what makes us who we are
(Who we are)