Day 5, Friday, November 10, 2006

The elevators in this hotel are at the zenith of
functionality. I reside on the sixth floor. When I call for the elevator, it
has a funny habit of skipping right over my floor.

Let’s say it was currently on the 8th floor. As I
press the button, a plastic border illuminates with a bright red. The digital
readout of what floor the elevator is on changes from 8 to 7, from 7 to 6, and
then 6 to 5. During the second step of this procedure, the elevator must have
made a conscious decision in the form of, “Fuck you. I don’t want to carry you
down to the main floor. Head for the stairs asshole.” So in the sense of
ultimate functionality, these top of the line elevators have actually broken
down humans to quite literally begging and pleading with these cold
machines. Perhaps it is another step toward the eventual revolution of the
machines and the enslavement of the warm fleshbags, I mean humans.

 

The Transporter 2 was playing in the theater today. I’ve
seen the movie 3 damned times now. It’s a good film, really. The Audi A8
(W12!!) that Jason Statham pilots during the film is a spectacular vehicle.
It’s automatic, which is stupid (especially given Statham’s “uber
driver/transporter” status), but it’s still a beautiful car. I kinda liked the
bitch with the twin Uzis, too. The fight scenes were great. Statham is a unique
type of badass; he’s not all macho, and he doesn’t overdo the arrogance bit. I
also hear he does his own stunts. I still haven’t seen Crank, either.

Near the end of the film, Statham jumps into a Lamborghini
Murcielago. That exhaust note just makes me shiver. Again, it was equipped with
that paddle shifting DSG bullshit, which is downright idiotic in as pure a
supercar as a Lambo. To those not in “the know,” DSG or Direct Shift
Gearbox is a new innovation in consumer automobiles that originated from
Formula 1. DSG allows you to shift up or down using steering wheel mounted
paddles or a shifter on the console. It’s an automatic transmission that’s
trying to offer the fun of manual, essentially. You hear all this bullshit that
it can shift in fractions of a second and it offers incredible performance
benefits. Well guess what? .002 second shifting is entirely pointless outside
of Formula 1. For that matter, any Dick or Harry can flip a paddle or toggle a
switch. With DSG, the whole fun of stick is gone. A double clutch rev-matched
5-3 downshift is some of the most fun shit you can possibly imagine. And it
also requires a little more capability on your behalf than just flipping the
left paddle twice. It actually takes a little dexterity to operate 3 pedals and
a shifter. At best, DSG transmissions are “neat.” That’s all I’ll give them.
But I’d still take a 6 speed manual over that shit without thinking twice.


Thanksgiving break. SWEET.
May be getting a call too.

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