The realization that my life as a college student is over has triggered a massive existential crisis for me that I’ve been mulling over for the past few hours. I talked about possible career ideas with my dad for a while, but this really goes beyond what I’m going to do when I graduate.
I’m having trouble figuring out why any of us do anything. It seems like everything I do is just a means to eat up time. Videogames, a movie, a cup of coffee. All of these things provide fleeting joy. What is the actual point? Day in, day out. I just repeat the cycle the next day. Another 24 hours gone. And another. Where is it all going? What is it going towards?
What is actual happiness? The last time I remember feeling truly happy was with my ex. I felt purpose being there for another human being and being appreciated as a human being myself. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that a relationship is the only way to feel fulfillment. It’s just an example. I guess I feel directionless without a purpose.
But is that what it takes? Is purpose needed for happiness?