Fun Times at the Pharmacy

Man, today was like Day of The Walking Assholes at work. Just one problem patient after another.

First was an old lady with some vitamins. She wanted to use a coupon that was inside a sealed package of vitamins, that I could not open because she had not purchased them. She agreed to purchase them, opened the package and proved to me that there indeed was a coupon inside.

“You were right ma’am. So you can use this coupon when you purchase these vitamins again next time.”

“NEXT TIME?! THAT’S IN 2 MONTHS! I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU WENT TO COLLEGE!”

If I was feeling particularly generous, I could have given the lady a refund and then applied the coupon after the fact, but nah. Haven’t had a patient blow up at me like that in years.

Later some fuckbag came in to get his blood pressure read. I hand him a form that my pharmacy requires patients to fill out. He takes 10 seconds and hands it back to me with maybe a 1/4 of the form filled out. I tell him that I need the entire form filled out, so he says he’ll go to Rite-Aid instead. Noooooo, don’t. Come back. Honestly, do these hunks of shit think that I give even half a fuck that they’re taking their “business” (bp readings are free) to a competing chain? It’s like threatening a bank teller that you’re going to a different bank.  

A handful of patients brought in scripts for narcotics that were too soon to fill.

One woman had me process her prescription through her insurance while she was in Honolulu. As in Hawaii. Usually, I refuse to even entertain the idea of playing with insurances by having patients give me the card information over the phone because the information I need is very specific and patients are oftentimes very stupid. Processing insurances in pharmacies is a stupid game of playing with numbers until they’re just so. I was feeling generous, so I had this lady actually text me a photograph of her insurance card so I could have something to work with. This alone represented a level of customer service that’s only rumored of in retail pharmacy. I really felt like I deserved a mention in a company email for that shit.

A guy from high school came by to drop off some scripts and greeted me with a “What’s up, man?” and then proceeded to ask me if I recognized him and that we went to high school together. I told him I did and exchanged some dumb small talk. Turns out that he was dropping off a script for Suboxone, which means that at some point this guy was addicted to some form of narcotic painkiller, whether they be prescription or otherwise. Fun!

And until I see the moonlight shine red

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2 responses to “Fun Times at the Pharmacy

  1. I can think of nothing worse than having to exchange small talk with an alleged high school peer while dropping off a prescription. Well, maybe said peer would be my gynecologist or something.

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