I get disheartened about the validity, for lack of a better word, of “token” or minor relationships in my life.
My rotations provide me with 6 week vacations, essentially, in the lives of others. Except I have to work 40 hours a week during my vacation. But at least I’m not being paid! That’s like a vacation! You can get to know a person fairly well over the course of 6 weeks if you try and especially so if you work elbow to elbow with them. But I can’t help sensing the bullshit about just so many Goddamn people. They’re not bad people intrinsically, but you don’t feel important in the grand scheme of things. I think it’s why I don’t like small talk so much and why I don’t try to maintain contact with minor acquaintances in my life. I crave meaningful interactions with people, and I expect a level of mutual respect. Not many people in this world are willing to offer this, and those that are should be treasured.
People are complicated creatures. The more time I spend on this earth, the more I learn about social interaction and the more I realize how nuanced it is. People are ridden with jealousy, pettiness, insecurity and a whole host of neuroses. And all I can do is observe and try to pick out these flaws like so many wiggling centipedes, and then do my best to adapt to the rolling waves and try to keep my ship upright (insect similes to nautical metaphors, BOOM).