A new year,
A new chance
Improve yourself
Laugh, stay the same
Commit the same sins
Commit new ones
Learn, forget
Fail again
We are not malleable creatures
Embrace your endless propensity to fuck up

You came along to kiss away the boy in me,
To show me what happens when you love with no compromise,
You were the most painful and beautiful thing I’ve ever met

I tried fixing you instead of kissing every beautiful scar
Instead of caressing every jagged edge, on which I gladly would have sliced my hands if you’d let me

Had I realized what heartache does to people, I wouldn’t have been so callous,
I wouldn’t have lashed out, I would have thought twice
I’m sorry it cost two broken hearts for me to learn
I’m sorry I’m blind in everything but hindsight

I wish you could have met the man you made me,
And maybe we both could reflect on years gone by

 


The original draft of this was written on 9/11/14 and consisted of just the first two lines.

Strawberry lips, capable, voluptuous
Shapely hips, body sumptuous
Vanilla cream skin, soft, inviting
Fingers squeezing, feeling, igniting
Tongue flicking, teeth biting
Blood pumping, flesh writhing
Tangled bodies, spirits, lives
Pleading, teasing, seducing eyes
Limbs reaching, groping, pleasing
Panting faster, shallow breathing
Oh God, don’t stop!
Screams, gasps, ecstasy, pop

I’m still choking on the ashes of your disappointment,
And I’m still reenacting scenes from the grave,
And I wish I could take a step into your mind
To fathom what firing synapses are urging you to consider

What do you think about on late nights?
Do you think about airports and silent drives?
Do you think about beautiful lakes and perfect heartache?

I’ve been digging graves for every single “I love you”
And I’m running out of eulogies