Consequences

The consequences of humans bonding in adulthood are far reaching on a level I would never have predicted. None of this shit ever goes away. I think when I was younger, I figured that people we once dated kind of fall away in our minds and that they rarely, if ever, come up again. But no, my mind is not like that in the least. I think about every single person I dated. Regularly. Maybe it wouldn’t be as interesting of a topic if I fucked 20 people, but even girls that were in my life for a brief period (a week in one case, 2 in another) end up occupying mental real estate on a regular basis. I suppose social media is somewhat responsible. An unoccupied mind may also be a culprit. But hell, even at work, where I’m supposedly occupied, this shit eats up mental energy.

The point is that every bond we make as adults, no matter how seemingly innocuous, has consequences. People fuck with our spirits, they’re able to alter thought processes. And the reverse holds true as well. I feel bad for every girl I’ve inadvertently fucked up with my actions, no matter how well intentioned or even indirect. Some girl I dated like 7 months ago recently blocked me on Twitter, in an act of such bewildering aggression I could hardly even understand it. We hadn’t talked in months, but apparently something was happening in her world sphere, through no doing of my own, that was creating so much pressure, the only way to alleviate it was by an arbitrary act of internet passive aggression.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand how human beings influence each other. All I know is that it goes far deeper than we think.

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